I don't really see the problem, but I can completely relate to what you're going through.
My guess is that you have amateur interest in making your own synth, be you a tinkerer personality or a more "old school" musician who wants to dabble with creating your own artistic expression.
It reminds me of being a young kid trying to learn linux, and I'm still that young kid trying to learn more about open source software, programming, music theory and the likes..
Wanting something, but maybe not wanting it enough to the point where you want to sacrifice/invest the time it takes to understand the software..or the theory..whatever it is.
It becomes more of a psychological..almost philosophical issue that has very little to do with well.. Making synthpatches in pure data and soldering some.
I recommend reading books like The Dip as well as watching documentaries and adapting a culture that surrounds whatever things in life you want to know more about, it's the best way to stay motivated.
YouTubevideos are also easily digested ways to learn more about what you want to delve into.